Marcia's Leadership Q and As: Male Mentors

Q.  My managers (all female) have guided me in my career. As I consider going up the corporate ladder or also consider becoming an entrepreneur, I’m curious to expand my network by having male mentors. What are the benefits and cautions?

A. The mentor you need may not look like you. Women often look for mentors who have experiences like their own. That can be valuable, but it can also limit the perspective they receive. Also, for men, seeking a female mentor means adding new value and perspectives to your thinking. 

Personally, let me first share my experience. I first had a female mentor who was also my manager in a very large global corporation. Later, I had several male mentors (I did not search for them; they chose me) who guided my development into leadership and management consulting (out of my Marketing & Communications field.) They had a vision I did not see, and they developed my natural leadership, knowledge, and pivot out of extreme shyness. Mentors can guide you into a life or career where you never planned to go. But you experience new opportunities and possibilities. 

A male mentor, particularly one who has already succeeded inside an organization or industry, may see a corporate system from a different angle. He may understand how decisions really get made, who has influence, what executives’ pay attention to, and how sponsorship happens behind the scenes.

The goal is not to find someone who thinks exactly like you. It is to find someone who can help you see what you cannot yet see. 

Learn the Unwritten Rules 

Every organization has rules that never appear in the employee handbook. Who gets invited into important conversations? How are high visibility assignments given out? What does an executive consider leadership potential? How do people successfully disagree with a powerful person? A strong male mentor can explain these unwritten rules and help a woman interpret situations that might otherwise be confusing or frustrating. This is especially useful when she is moving into senior leadership, where organizational dynamics often matter as much as technical expertise. 

Gain Access to Different Networks 

One of the greatest advantages of a mentor is not simply advice. It is access. Men who have spent years in senior corporate environments may have extensive networks of executives, board members, investors, customers, and other influential leaders. 

A good mentor will not simply hand over a list of names. He will help you become credible enough that the introduction has meaning. He may say, "You should meet her," and explain why your work matters. That kind of sponsorship can accelerate visibility in ways that working harder alone cannot. There is nothing stronger than a referral, introduction, or email connection from your mentor. Cherish them. 

See How Men Experience Leadership 

Women and men can be judged differently for the same leadership behavior. A woman who is direct may be called difficult. A man may be described as decisive. A woman who advocates strongly for herself may be perceived differently than a man doing the same thing. 

A thoughtful male mentor can provide an inside perspective on how certain behaviors are interpreted in rooms where women may be underrepresented. This does not mean women should imitate men. It means understanding the environment well enough to choose how you want to lead. 

Get Honest Feedback 

A mentor should tell you what others may be unwilling to say. Sometimes a male mentor can provide a useful perspective precisely because he sees an issue through a different lens. Is your communication too cautious? Are you waiting to be invited instead of stepping forward? 

Are you demonstrating expertise but not enough strategic thinking? Are you doing work that deserves recognition but failing to make its business impact visible? The right mentor will teach and challenge you without diminishing you. A great mentor will ask you questions, have thoughtful conversations, and help you reflect on your choices and contributions. 

Understand the Risks 

There are risks in any mentoring relationship, and a male mentor requires clear boundaries. A woman should be alert to relationships that become overly personal, controlling, transactional, or dependent. Mentoring should never require personal favors, emotional intimacy, secrecy, or inappropriate access. Your choice of a mentor includes high integrity and values that match yours. 

It is also important not to let one male mentor become the only voice shaping a career. The strongest approach is usually a network of mentors, sponsors, peers, and advisers who offer different perspectives. 

Look for Sponsorship, Not Just Mentoring 

Mentoring helps you become better. Sponsorship helps other people see you differently. That distinction becomes increasingly important as women move toward executive roles. A sponsor is willing to use his or her credibility to recommend you for a role, introduce you to decision makers, put your name forward for a critical assignment, or speak about your capabilities when you are not in the room. A male mentor who becomes a sponsor can be extraordinarily valuable, especially when he has influence in circles where you have not yet established your own relationships. 

The Best Mentor Expands Your World 

The question is not whether women should have male mentors or female mentors. The better question is: Who can help me see the system, expand my thinking, strengthen my leadership, and open doors I cannot open alone? Who can see or develop my potential, encourage me to shift my career, examine whether I am living a happy, healthy life? 

A woman moving up the corporate ladder or as an entrepreneur or on a Board benefits from people who understand her strengths, challenge her assumptions, and expose her to perspectives she would not otherwise encounter. A good male mentor can do exactly that. He should not become the person who defines her path. He should help her become more capable of defining it herself.