Marcia's Leadership Q and As: Who Are You? Are You Aware?

Q. We have a variety of unkind behaviors at work and beyond! Why do some people judge, criticize, ignore, micromanage, blame, ghost, assault, or bully?

A. Bad behaviors come from few sources. Except for some extreme cases, a person can drastically change. Some micromanagers, critics, or bullies can transform and become amazing leaders. 

First, there’s the learned behavior. People have learned some bad behaviors from a parent, boss, or teacher and adopted them. They know that they didn’t like being the brunt of abuse or criticism, but they have no other example to replace it with good behaviors.  Bad learned behavior has to be unlearned. That can be challenging because people have had years of practice behaving badly.

Second, many people who are arrogant, egotistical, critical, judgmental, or bullying are often totally unaware of their behavior or their impact. They may have good intentions or a constancy of purpose, but their arrogance and egotism overrides healthy leadership and communication with others. With their self-importance, they are quick to judge, attack, and berate. Why do they do that? Because they assume or believe something to be negative. Rather than ask questions to seek to understand, they judge, attack, or gossip.

Whether the bad behavior is learned, people are not self-aware, or they believe they have every right to be “right” (dysfunctional), they are not leaders. They may have positional titles, ride on their family name/coattails, or own/operate a business. They think because they manage, they lead. Not true.

Great leaders ask, “How am I doing? How can I help? How can I improve?” But most of all, they have an outside coach who is honest with them, a teacher and mentor who guides them to use great leadership behavior. If you don’t have a coach, you’re not reaching your potential. They help you see what you can’t see.